To My Children: It’s Not Your Fault

An unhappy woman sits in a child's bedroom with her head in her hands. She is holding a soft toy that belonged to her child. The bed in front of her is empty.

I’m sorry I am not a perfect mother. But I know I am the perfect mother for you! I may not keep a perfect schedule. Or a perfect house. Sometimes I have no idea what to make for you to eat, and I feel paralyzed. I don’t always have all the answers to your questions. Sometimes I say the wrong things. Sometimes I cry. 

It’s not your fault.

I’m sorry it made you feel sad, when you saw me crying. Or saw me hurting. I want you to know what it’s like to really feel, and not pretend to you that this world is always a happy place. I want you to know that emotions are not something you must fear and avoid, but rather experience, and grow from. Allowing yourself to feel, makes you a stronger person. But sometimes it can be too much for your little mind, and you don’t know quite how to handle it.

It’s not your fault.

I’m sorry for the times I get angry, and raise my voice. Sometimes parents get frustrated because there are a whole bunch of big people things we have to do, and sometimes it feels like too much. And sometimes getting loud feels like a good release.

It’s not your fault.

I remember when I was your age. And when I felt the tension and anger from my parents. I remember thinking that I must be a bad person. That they must be angry because of me. And I started to believe that I must be bad. And that stayed with me for a very long time.

It wasn’t my fault. And I’m not bad.

Sometimes parents hurt. Sometimes we feel angry. We want to stay strong all the time, because we want to protect you. But when we try to stay strong all the time, well sometimes the feelings inside build up, and just come right out!

It isn’t your fault. And you are not bad.

I’m sorry that I’m not a perfect mother,

but I know that I’m the perfect mother for you

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